Saturday, August 8, 2009

Home from disciple.

My heart hurts.
I just had the best week meeting new friends and getting to know my 6th grade girls group. God worked in so many incredible ways. Some of them have such heavy hearts and i just want to take there pain away. No one deserves to hurt that much at that age, let alone anytime in there life. I pray that they can be wrapped tightly in the arms of God and be guided and that there heart be protected. A part of me is still left in Africa, people are slowly pulling themselves back more and more because of college, people are not following up with what they say and i don't like any of it. But now is a time in life where i really really have to cling to God and listen to him speaking. He has used me in so many ways and continues to do so but sometimes i just feel... here.
I'm excited to meet new people, get to know a new town, find a new community of people, and be challenged. I think that God has great things in store but sometimes its just hard to sit and wait.
I do have a wonderful life and great people in it and i appreciate everyone that has every supported me and continues to do so. God is great. I am just in a weird yet great place in my life.
So all prayers are welcomed:D
Please and Thank you.

"Be still, and know that i am God,
I will be exalted among all nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
Psalms 46:10

Monday, August 3, 2009

mmmmh... Just an update.

Okay since last time i wrote i have been to Colorado on a trip with friends, and to Dayspring. Colorado was incredible fellowship with Max, Lauren Overton, Kim, Scotty, Brendan, and Alli. We had the time of our lives and i think that we learned alot from and about each other. We had a different adventure everyday! We went white water rafting, alpine sliding, shopping, to see harry potter... which is another story you can ask Max about, and we hiked on top of a mountain , which was probably about 12 miles when it was all said and done. The day we went hiking was a huge adventure that only God got us out of. To get back to town from the hiking trail was a long way and we were taking a short cut, but little did we know the short cut was going to be a near death experience. I loved it the whole time and trusted Max's driving skills that we would get home safe, but some others decided it would just be better to go the longest way cause they didn't really like feeling like there was a chance we might fall off the side of the mountain of course he would never let that happen but i guess that they didn't want to risk it. Which is understandable, so in taking the long way we drove about 4 hrs home which got us home at about 11 not mentioning the domino's story which is another story that needs to be told in person. But in saying all of that we really did bond and got to get to know each others hearts. But just know that pretty much every where we went we got lost. It wasn't that we didn't know where we were going its just that we followed stupid iphone gps and stupid maps that weren't even right. But i really truly believe that getting lost ever time was something from God because every time we all got something wonderful out of it, besides learning how to not be frustrated;D Anyways, Colorado was great !

Dayspring was a lot of fun even though Aubry, Max, and i were the only graduates that went from New Covenant but it was okay because we got to know each other a little better. Our small group was incredible, we didn't really follow any curriculum, we just shared our stories and encouraged one another. My heart broke for every single person that shared because i think a lot of time we get caught up in our own world, and yeah we know that a lot of bad stuff happens to good people but until you hear someone tell you face to face that i use to suffer from depression and tried to kill my self, or my dad abuses and molested my sisters, or i got hooked on pain medication to your face its only then you began to realize that even the people you know have gone through more that you could imagine. God worked through each and everyone of our stories to either let some of us know how blessed we are, or encourage others to keep hope. God moved in so many ways and its just weird to think that the next time I'll be back it will be as a leader.

I am the definition of a bottle of emotions. I am realizing that i won't share life with many off the people i do now. And i think that it kinda scares me. I HATE being vulnerable but that exactly what i am right now. The only person i can really count on is God i know he will get me through whatever and help me with my stress and burdens. I feel as though people say that they will keep in touch and maybe mean it but i don't know how much it will happen, and that makes me really sad. I know that many of us will change and grow and get involved in many things but i hope that we don't lose faith in Christ, and forget who our first friends were. My friends mean more than the world to me and i just cant express how i will miss them. i know that i am doing the right thing going to Arkansas for school but i am just feeling feelings that i have never before and i don't like them to be honest.

So as i leave to go to disciple one more time this summer before i leave forever i pray that God can give me a peace about everything that he can grow and change hearts at disciple and use all of the leaders and shining rays of him to pour into these students and really show them the love of Jesus Christ. I pray that as every parts ways that we can still be connected and a part of each others life, stay close to God and always remember the person God molded us and continued to mold is into. I pray that we can go out and be the light in the world of darkness and truly seek out what God has for us.

Amen.